How often do we observe the handling of challenging behaviors by identifying one child as the cause of the problem and then a rigid rule imposed to end the dispute. This pattern appears to be widespread and an ongoing problem with developing social cognition skills necessary for success across the lifespan.

Challenging behavior is best changed and supported through the relationship lens. Looking at each and every conflict as an exchange of of behaviors, words, and thoughts. We must emphasize perspective. What could I have done differently? How did I make the other person feel? These questions are important for the aggressor, the recipient and the by stander to process and explore and for all those participating to express with each other through conflict resolution. Each participant must be given the opportunity to reflect in the process at all developmental levels to learn, grow and achieve better social outcomes.

I often see rules generated far too quickly eliminating great learning opportunities in the process. For example, the soccer game at recess has become "too competitive" and challenging behaviors emerge. The reaction...no more soccer at recess...you misbehaved so therefore the game is eliminated.. What are we teaching in this scenario...that when there is a conflict simply walk away and stop the potential of fun! No! Look at all the relationships involved. Teach new ways and different options to solve the problem. Speech Language Pathologist, Occupational Therapists, Physical Therapists, classroom teachers, classroom aides, and Principals...go to recess. Join the process and foster the learning as opposed to rigid rule following. We need to teach flexible thinking and problem solving...not just rule following.